My Cousin Is A Crossdresser
by Roxius
Summary: Roman learns something rather disturbing about his cousin Niko. Crack fic. Please R & R!


Disclaimer: I do not own the Grand Theft Auto series.

A/N: I finally bought GTA IV and it's...okay...

THIS ENDED UP ALOT LONGER THAN I ORIGINALLY EXPECTED, JUST SO YOU KNOW!!!!

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It was around 11:35 p.m., and Roman Bellic was lazing around on the couch, watching TV, when he heard the front door creak open.

"Hay, Roman..." croaked a heavily accented voice; it was Niko. Roman didn't glance away from the TV for even a second. The bed let out a loud squeak as Niko sat down upon it, and he grunted as he removed one of his shoes, and tossed it off to the side. For some reason, the tiny apartment room began to carry the faint smell of lilacs, but Roman paid it no mind.

"Hello, cousin!" Roman exclaimed in his usual loud voice, his fat, hairy face breaking out into a grin, "Where have you been all night? Picking up some whores off the side of the street? Hah hah hah hah!!"

"Uh...not exactly, cousin. I was just, err, visiting the Strip Club...watching the strippers...strip...yah...that's all..." There was no denying the hint of awkwardness within Niko's tone of voice at that moment. Roman raised an eyebrow, his eyes still glued to the television screen. He didn't believe that bullcrap coming out of his cousin's mouth for even a second.

"Are you SURE, Niko? You aren't LYING to me, are you?" Roman asked incrementally.

"S-Shut up, Roman!!" Niko snarled defensively, "It's...it's none of your business, dammit!!!"

His face turning red, Roman stood up, and turned to face Niko. "If you're using MY car to drive around, and spending MY money, then of course it's my...my...my...oh my god..." All of the color drained from Roman's face, and the empty beer can in his hand slipped from his grip and it fell to the floor. In that instant, everything Roman once believed seemed to shatter to pieces, leaving him an empty shell of a proud

His beloved cousin Niko Bellic was dressed up in a curly blonde wig, a tight-fitting silk dress, high-heels, and bright red lipstick, along with painted fingernails and mascara. He stopped in the middle of digging all the condoms out of his small pink purse when he realized Roman was staring at him. A terrible awkward silence befell the two brothers.

Niko decided to break that silence. "...Cousin...I...I can explain...I'm a crossdressing whore at the Strip Club...wait...that's not a good explanation at all..."

Slowly but surely, Roman sat back down, and sank deeply into his seat. He buried his face into his palms, and sighed heavily. "I had always suspected, but...this...this is just wrong on SO many fucking levels...I mean...oh my fucking god...this is...this is...if I wasn't so drunk right now, I'd be puking all night...Niko, how could you...disgrace yourself like this...it's sickening...even for me..."

"Wait just a damn minute! Hold on, cousin," Niko suddenly spoke up, waving his hand through the air, his long fingernails painted with sparkling green stars, "I know just what will cheer you up and make you think twice about this little hobby of mine...!"

"After what I've just learned about you, Niko...I doubt that ANYTHING can cheer me up...not even a picture of a woman's titties..."

Niko reached into his frilly A-cup bra and pulled out a large wad of dollar bills. "I get paid ALOT for lap dances..." he said, tossing the bundle of cash at Roman's feet. Roman reluctantly moved his hands from his face, and picked up the money. He looked it over for a few minutes, tossing and turning it in between his hands. Niko waited for a response, scratching his crotch every so often; his panties were starting to get itchy again.

A perverted smile formed on Roman's lips. "Hmm...this is...alot of money..."

Niko nodded. "I know."

"So...if I, uh, let you keep doing what you're...doing...you'll get even more...?"

Niko nodded again. "Yes."

Roman stuffed the money into his back pocket, and ran over to pull his cousin into a tight hug. "BROTHER!!!! I ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE!!!"

Niko rolled his eyes. 'He always turns a blind eye to weird situations like this whenever he's offered money...and that's what makes him so easy to deal with!'


End file.
